My CPTSD Hypervigilance
The brain is stuck in identifying danger, and forcefully and immediately solving (disarming) it...
..any problem, question, puzzle... sadly, any internally perceived possibility of an interpersonal conflict. It's a default mode...which I didn't even notice I had for decades.
To keep going...my system produces stress hormones...I'm permanently on internally produced speed (amphetamines)...
...days and weeks (maybe decades) past natural exhaustion.
A state of "I have to meet expectations and demands to keep everyone happy"...avoid conflict at absolutely any personal cost...
...no room to risk the potential conflict just being a figment of my imagination...
...as any conflicts, with anyone...means death.
I safety-wise (even though don't know of a rational threat) perceive the world as a toddler living among murderous monsters...
...until one either realises one’s safety and can stop...
...or continuous until one cracks.
